Muther F'in telemarketers

"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
10/18/2017 at 13:14 • Filed to: None

You car warranty has expired. Press 1 to extend your warranty. Normally I would just hang up, but these people have been calling every few hours over the last couple days. Well, today is your day buddy. I’ll play.

Telemarketer: Hi what year is your vehicle?

ME (well your calling me asshole so shouldn’t you know?) Its a 1978 Ford Pinto

Telemarketer: 78' god dammit (click)

DISCUSSION (22)

Chariotoflove > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:17

Well done. I’m disappointed they didn’t continue.

CobraJoe > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:21

I’ve been getting a lot lately like this:

“Is Paul there?”

“No, I think you have the wrong number”

“Maybe you can help us then, would you like to donate to...”

jimz > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:21

I like the ones I’ve received for a car I don’t own. I think my name got attached to it because I got an A- and X- plan for a couple of people.

PotbellyJoe and 42 others > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:21

Me: 2009 Vibe (get their hopes up)

Them: Excellent, we can work with that, how many miles are on the car?

Me: 347,300-ish. (a total lie)

Them: Oh.

They stop calling.

Demon-Xanth knows how to operate a street. > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:25

“The warranty on your car has expired.”

“Oh, can I get one for this?”

“Sure, what is the VIN?”

“10927O134449"

“That isn’t enough digits.”

“Why not? There are 12.”

“There should be 17.”

“Chevrolet only used 12 in 1961.”

OPPOsaurus WRX > Chariotoflove
10/18/2017 at 13:29

a few yrs ago i went thru this and started off with a Ferrari. they said they don’t do exotics like that so I must have something else. I said I have a boat. They said they only cover things on the street so I said its on a trailer in front of my house in the street. cover my boat. things got heated after that.

OPPOsaurus WRX > CobraJoe
10/18/2017 at 13:31

i’d ask then to donate to my ‘OPPOsaurus wants a turbo again’ fund

Urambo Tauro > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:35

I’ve gotten so many telemarketer calls that I don’t even answer the phone anymore unless I recognize the number. Leave a message. It’s really inconvenient for legit callers who haven’t been added to my phonebook yet.

Most telemarketers don’t leave a message of course, but sometimes they will. In which case, I’ll sometimes dial the callback number, set the phone down against my computer speaker, and play this video:

diplodicus > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:39

I just press the button that removes me from their call list. If it doesn’t confirm then I just smash the button until the automated system gets confused and hangs up.

OPPOsaurus WRX > diplodicus
10/18/2017 at 13:42

i’ve heard that pressing the button to be removed confirms that it has reached an active number and further distributes the number.

Azrek > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:48

Phone: Hi, who am I speaking with?
Me: Who would you like it to be?

Area code from the state I don’t live in, but got my phone from.
Them: Are you interested in getting our newspaper (from this state)?
Me: Love too!
Them: Really? Great, what is your address?
Me: Florida. I am excited to read about the news at 7am on my porch
Them: Oh...I will take you off the list

Cable company: We have a great bundle deal for you! You can combine your internet and get cable tv for X
Me: I don’t have a TV
Cable: Oh, well it is a really good promotion
Me: Are you giving me a TV too?
Cable: You seriously don’t have a TV?
Me: Haven’t for years. So throw in a 40in HDTV and I’d be interested
Cable: Sorry...

functionoverfashion > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:50

I used to live in a family house that was listed under my deceased grandmother’s name. Old school rotary phones and everything. I’d answer a telemarketer call, “Hello is Eleanor there?”

“No. That was my grandmother and she died last year. Thanks though!”

diplodicus > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 13:59

Well that’s fucked.

Chariotoflove > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 14:06

Oh, I quite like that.

user314 > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 14:11

I have NoMoRobo , which seems to be working well at screening out even spoofed or blocked numbers.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 14:30

If you can throw them off script, it’s hilarious. Ways I’ve done it:

Hilariously high mileage (Truck has that one in spades)

Really, really old (I may or may not have claimed to have a 1966 Land Rover)

Car manufacturer doesn’t exist these days (What do you mean I can’t get a warranty for my Panhard Dyna Z?)

Odometer is non-functional (No, I don’t know how many miles on it. Does it have an odometer? Yes. Then why don’t you know? Because it broke three years ago)

SpeedSix > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/18/2017 at 15:02

Would you warranty my 1980 American LaFrance?

OPPOsaurus WRX > functionoverfashion
10/18/2017 at 15:18

How many callers then tried something like ‘i’m sorry to hear that but would you be interested in our offer?’

OPPOsaurus WRX > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/18/2017 at 15:21

ooo i like that one. Next time they call I’m going to have a 2006 Plymouth

Kiltedpadre > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/18/2017 at 17:35

I like to go through and either bring up a vehicle that’s really old and obscure or say something that is within their coverage range but list some changes that throw them off.

I gave them a VIN that was a few digits off from the real one for my 2006 Silverado and follow it up with “now the engine blew up last year and I put in a powerstroke from a 2008 F-250. What information do you need to make sure they know that?”

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 18:14

If you want them to hang up right away:
Leyland
Studebaker

If you want to waste more of their time:
Rover. “You mean Land Rover?” “No, just Rover.”
MB Unimog.
Porsche 912.

ranwhenparked > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/18/2017 at 18:30

I just get “Hello, I am calling from the Warranty Center. We have been trying to reach you regarding your warranty. The warranty is about to expire.”